The Day My Life Fell Apart

Heart Operation, Uncategorized

My Little Girl and her Poorly Heart 💜

Another day sittting around while my little Rosie is getting lessons about hospital and helping her anxiety.

December 21st 2016, a day I will never forget. Rosie was referred to Cardiology at Alderhey Children’s hospital in Liverpool. A previous Doctor in outpatients had heard a slight murmur on her heart ❤️ .

Along we went to the cardiology appointment not expecting there to be any problem or issue, well after a long day of Rosie crying and forcefully not letting anyone near here they managed to get an echocardiogram done. The nurse called a Doctor in and then the Doctor sent my mum and Rosie Into a different room. I was told that my little girl had a Large ASD, in normal terms a hole in her heart ❤️.

This devastated me and also with the problems I have my bipolar, BPD and anxiety well I wondered how on earth 🌏 we could deal with this.

Alderhey have been amazing, they appointed Rosie a play specialist, Lorna, who is worth her weight in gold, and then some. She is helping building Rosie’s confidence and try to lessen her anxiety and fear that she will be hurt by nurses and doctors.

Rosie has had two operations so far and the problem couldn’t be fixed, so, we are awaiting her open heart surgery which will be in about three weeks from now. I am so scared, I’m scared of the long operation, I’m scared about my little girl being in intensive care. I’m scared how Rosie will be.

I know I have to deal with this but it seems so cruel that my precious little girl has to go through this after everything she dealt with last year when I got hospitalised and loosing our home and pets.

So here I am sat waiting for Rosie while she is having her Hospital Lessons.

Love Catherine xx


Grounding Yourself with Nature

Well what a lovely day we had in Delemere Forest in Cheshire. The sun was shining and the birds was singing and I felt so at ease it was unbelievable.

I have recently been given my driving licence back and wow it feels amazing. Until you have the freedom of driving licence being snatched away after a diagnosis, you don’t realise how much driving actually means to you. I have not drove for just over a year or so Im sure you will feel my excitement to be handed the keys of the car!!!!

I done a few little drives and then decided to take my beautiful little girl Rosie and her friend Darcy to Delemere Forest in Cheshire. We went on the hunt to find some fairies and took some bird feed and nuts for the wildlife and of course some glitter to help find the fairies.

What can I say, Rosie and Darcy was excellent in the search for our little fairy friends. They came across fairy schools, fairy hotels, fairy homes and even a fairy swimming pool! For that day I forgot about everything going on in the world and my world particularly. I delved into my imagination along with the girls and we built dens and before we knew it had sent over three hours exploring the beautiful forest.

Whilst the girls played, I took a little time out and sat on a fallen tree, I took deep breathes and inhaled the splendid fresh air. I filled my lungs of this quite magical gas that surrounded my body. I sat quietly and did a very graceful 10 minute meditation, with my feet in forest carpet of twigs and leaves and shrubs, and probably a few creepy crawlies too, but I didn’t mind that as long as they was small. There was a gentle warm breeze, for this 10 minutes I was at inner peace with myself, I felt a lot of love for myself which was nice as I am working on self love and trying not to be hard on me. I felt totally grounded at one with Earth, Nature and Wildlife and with myself!.

It was a special moment, one of those once in a lifetime moments of pure preciousness. I have taken a mental note of the feelings, the smells, the touch of the rough bark which my palms was placed upon, the beautiful colours and amazing shades of green and the pretty sons from the birds. I will cherish this moment forever.

Love Catherine